"Panaginip"

"Halika, sumama ka."

(at biglang tumunog ang alarm clock)

Nagising si Ellaine dahil sa tunog nito, pero mas nagtataka siya kung anong ibig sabihin ng kanyan panaginip. Sino ang tumatawag sa kanya? Bakit hindi niya ito mamukaan?

"Ellaine, bilis male-late na tayo, ano ba!" Hiyaw ng kapatid niyang si Jerry.
"Teka, andyan na!!!

***Unang araw ng pasukan ngayon. May ibang natutuwa, ang iba naman ay hindi, at may iba namang walang paki. Si Ellaine at Jerry ay pumapasok sa isa sa pinakasikat na unibersidad sa Pilipinas sa panahon nila, ang Malaya University. Kumukuha ang dalawa ng parehas ng kurso na Nursing, si Ellaine ay 3rd year college habang si Jerry ay 2nd year . Ito ang napili nilang kurso sapagkat yun ang gusto ng kanilang mga magulang na nagtatrabaho bilang mga doktor sa London. Pinili ng magkapatid na maniharan dito at susunod na lang sa kanilang magulang kapag nakapagtapos na.


"Ellaiiiiiiine," ang sigaw ni Carol habang tumatakbo palapit kay Ellaine.

"Carooool, hoy lalo kang gumanda ah. Anong nangyari sa bakasyon mo?" sagot ni Ellaine.

**Naging magkaklase si Carol at Ellaine simula noong unang taon nila sa kolehiyo hanggang ngayon. Tinuring na nila ang isa't isa bilang matalik na kaibigan. Magkasama parati sa iba't-ibang lakad, naranasan na pakipag-away sa pagkampi sa isa't-isa. Naranasan  ng umiyak, tumawa, magalit at kung ano pang emosyon na maisip mo sa mundo. Naging tapunan ng mga sekreto. Ahhh basta, sila'y masyadong hiyang sa isa't-isa.

Patuloy ang pag-uusap ng dalawang magkaibigan habang papasok sa classroom nila. Tawa ng tawa ang dalawa habang kinukwento ni Carol ang nangyari sa kanya nung bakasyon. Nasabi ko bang, pati sa kalokohan, sinusuportahan nila ang isa't-isa? Kung hindi, basta yun na yun.

Magkatabi ang dalawa ng inuupuan. Maingay ang buong klase. May naghihiyawan sa bandang doon, may natsitsismisan sa banda rito. Ang dalawang kaibigan ay patuloy lang sa pagtawa ng may biglang pumasok na isang lalaki. Biglang natahimik ang lahat sa pagpasok nito. Parang nakakita lang ng anghel o di kaya naman aswang ang mga tao sa loob. Napatigil din sina Ellaine at Carol at napatingin na lang sa pumasok na lalaki sabay nganga. Sa totoo lang, ito ang unang beses na may kaklase sila na ganoon kagwapo, 'tila isang anghel na bumaba galing sa langit ika nga.


Lumapit ang lalaki kay Ellaine at nagtanong, "Excuse me miss, may nakaupo ba dito sa tabi mo?"
"Ha? Wa-wa-wala, " ang nauutal na sagot ni Ellaine.

Halatang kinikilig ang babae sa paglapit ng lalaki sa kanya. Siniko ni Carol si Ellaine, sabay sabing " magiging masaya ang taong ito."

Dumating na ang guro at nagsimula na ang kanilang klase. (Unang araw pa lang ah, may klase na sila. Taray ni ma'am).
Masyadong naiilang si Ellaine sa katabi. Masyadong tahimik at sobrang seryoso. Ngunit paminsa'y nahuhuli niya itong nakatingin sa kanya. Pasulyap-sulyap lang naman ang ginagawa ng babae.
Natapos ang klase at hindi nila nakilala ang isa't-isa.

Dumaan ang maraming linggo. Hindi pa din nakakapag-usap si Ellaine at si Stephen (pangalan nung lalaki, syempre).  Naiinis na minsan si Ellaine, gusto niya maging kaibigan ang lalaki, pero sobrang nakapamisteryoso nito. Hindi man lang marunong ngumiti.

Balita'y lumaki ito sa ibang bansa at ibinalik ng mga magulang dito sa Pinas para ipagpatuloy ang pag-aaral. Ayaw nito manirahan sa Pilipinas kaya masyadong ilap ito sa mga tao at ayaw makipagkaibigan.

***riiiiiing riiiiing. (pagtunog ng alarm sa paaralan) Hudyat na uwian na.
Biyernes ang araw na yun kaya binalak ng magkaibigan na gumula. Mahilig talaga sa "night life" ang dalawa. Hindi nga lang halata. Nagsimula ang kasiyahan. Sayaw dito, inom doon at kung anu-ano pang ginawa ng mga tao sa loob. Napadami ang inom ni Ellaine, at hindi nya din alam kung bakit ganoon na lang ang kanyang pagkasabik sa alak. Inawat siya ng mga kaibigan pero ayaw tumigil ni Ellaine sa pag-inom.

"Girl, lasing na lasing ka na. Uwi na tayo. Hatid na kita. Hindi ka pwede magmaneho," ang sabi ni Carol.

Pero ayaw pa din tumigil ni Ellaine. Parang wala siya sa sarili. Biglang tumayo si Ellaine, at ang sabi ay uuwi na daw siya. Nagtataka naman ang lahat sa inaasal ni Ellaine. Pinabayaan nila ito at sinundan na lang ng tingin. Hindi makapaglagad ng maayos ang dalaga at kahit sinu-sino na lang ang binabangga. Nang nagpatuloy ito sa paglalakad muntikan na itong matumba, buti na lang ang may biglang sumalo sa babae.
 Sinong mag-aakala na ang umalalay sa babae ay si Stephen. Hinatid niya ito palabas ng bar at pinasakay ng taxi. Hindi na halos mabuka ni Ellaine ang mata. Ang malala lang niya ay si Stephen yun. Na siya ang tumulong sa kanya. Hindi na niya maalala ang mga sumunod na pangyayari. Ang alam niya lang ay nasa bahay na siya.


(lalaking inaabot ang kanyang kamay, hindi makita ang mukha)

....at biglang nagising si Ellaine. Isang panaginip naman. Hanggang ngayon, hindi niya pa din maintindihan bakit parati siyang nanaginip ng isang lalaki na nag-aabot ng kanyang kamay. Na para bang gusto nito na sumama siya sa kanya. At ang mas nakakapagtataka pa, hindi niya ito mamukhaan.


Dumaan ang maraming araw, at pabalik-balik ang kanyang panaginip. Mas lalo siyang naguguluhan. Sino ba itong lalaki sa kanyang panaginip? Anong kailangan nito sa kanya? Puro tanong lang at wala man lang sagot.
Pero ika-nga lahat ng misteryo ay mabibigyang linaw, at dumating na ang araw na iyon (ibig kong sabihin, ang gabi na yun, syempre gabi naman siya nanaginip).


"Ellaine, huwag kang matakot. Tinakda ako para hanapin ka. Kailangan mong sumama sa akin. Mapanganib sa'yo ang lugar na 'to. Hindi mo mararamdaman ngayon, pero may masamang mangyayari....." (at nawala ng bigla ang lalaki)


Nagising si Ellaine at tila pawis na pawis. Napatingin siya sa paligid at namalayan niyang umaga na pala. Nagmamadali siyang bumangon at may pasok pa siya.
Sa paaralan ay nakita niya si Stephen na papalipit ito sa kanya. Nanginginig si Ellaine, hindi niya alam kung ano ang magiging reaksyon niya. Nagtataka siya kung bakit si Stephen ang lalaki sa kanyang panaginip.

"Ellaine, kailangan natin mag-usap. Alam ko na alam mo na kung bakit ako andito," sabi ni Stephen habang hinihila palayo ang babae.
"Teka, sandali. Nasasaktan ako. Hindi ka ba pwede magdahan-dahan, " ang sagot ni Ellaine.
"Wala ng oras Ellaine, kailangan na kitang ilayo dito," ang wika ni Stephen.
"Ano ba, sino ka ba. Hindi kita maintindihan, hindi ka man lang maka-usap sa klase. Tapos ngayon? Bigla mo akong niyaya na sumama sa'yo? May pagka-adik ka din siguro Stephen," may halong kaba sa boses ni Ellaine.

Sasagot pa sana si Stephen ng biglang may sumabog malapit sa kinatatayuan nila. Hinala niya ang babae at tumakbo sila paalis. Habang paalis sila, may isang sasakyan na nakaabang sa may tapat. May lalaking nakatayo at biglang bumunot ng baril. Eksaktong may dumaan na sasakyan kaya hindi nakita ng lalaki ang direksyon ng dalawang tumatakbo. Nagtago sa sulok ang dalawa. Nanginginig pa din si Ellaine. Hindi niya alam ang kanyang gagawin. Gulong-gulo na siya sa lahat ng pangyayari.

"Ellaine, makinig ka sa akin, magtiwala ka sa akin. Hindi ako masamang tao. Nakatakda akong ipagtanggol ka. Alam ko naguguluhan ka, at pasensya. Sa ngayon hindi ko pa pwede sabihin sa'yo ang lahat. Mas lalo ka lang maguguluhan. Lahat ng nangyayari ngayon ay may dahilan, maniwala ka lang sa akin. Hindi kita iiwan at hindi kita pababayaan," pag-alalang sabi ni Stephen.

Napa-iyak na lang si Ellaine. At niyakap si Stephen.


Ellaine : Hindi ko alam kung saan ako dadalhin ng tadhana. Madami akong tanong. Kung sino ako, kung bakit may gustong magtangka sa buhay ko at bakit kailangan ko Stephen. Basta, ito lang ang alam ko, hindi ako normal. Kailangan kong umalis sa lugar na tinitirhan ko at lisanin ang buhay na kinalakihan ko. Isang panibagong buhay at mundo ang aking haharapin, pero wala akong pangamba dahil alam kong andyan si Stephen, kampante ako sa kanya at hindi ko alam kung bakit. Malaki ang tiwala ko sa kanya at alam kong di niya ako pababayaan. 


------------------------

Freedom, Where are you?

I was held into duress by a bull,
For three centuries I languished; I tried to combat but it didn't work.
And a bald eagle came and ransomed me, I found favor.
And thought it was all done,
The ones I acknowledged as my friend has become my foe.

And as I was wrestling for my autonomy, a tiger blown me away;
Destroying every pieces that was left on me.
But the bald eagle redeemed me again, and gratitude to you.
I felt freedom. Oh, yes freedom I found you.

I lived, I laughed, I loved.
Until one day, I woke up and realized,
You were gone once again,
 Freedom where are you?

I fondled once again the pain and hurt,
And this time, it's more excruciating, it cuts down through my nerves
I felt so flaccid, I'm extremely sadden of your disappearance.
Because, now I fighting against my own family, my own blood of another color.

I can only ask myself what have I done?
How I miss you, oh freedom.
But just one thought came in,
Have I really missed you, have I really experienced you?
Or is it all an illusion?

The story was about a happy-turned troubled couple namely Peter and Linda. They were Chinese living in
Davao City. Their house is located at Bajada. The first year of their marriage was right and full of joy. They even chased each other among furniture and into the rooms but three years had passed when their marriage started to get bad. The once happy couple started to have stained in their relationship. Linda moved to Sta. Ana and living into the upstairs portions of Nanking Store.

There was one afternoon, when Tua Poya saw Linda in their house, she was talking with Tua Poya's mother. The boy pretended not to listen to their conversation but she noticed Linda was so sad, her face that was full of laughter was now gone and was replaced with somber eyes and even unhappy voice.

The couple become the talk of the town. It's been three years since they got married but until that time, they can't even bear a child. The people around started to talk behind Peter's back saying that he's a bad stock. But then, it's not Peter's problem according to them, its Linda. Peter's father was the sole survivor of the Zhin family. The family's name was in danger of dying out. And it's the worst thing that would happen to a Chinese family, for the bloodline to vanish from the world. Peter was the only family's hope to carry on the family name, and still remained childless.
Peter become anti-social, he put more of his energy in managing the Nanking store. There were many changes also that occurred in Linda over a period in time. At first, she seemed to be equal  command with Peter in the store, she has her own desk and sometimes acted as cashier, but she now happened to serve customers directly as if she was a salesgirl. Her personal maid was also fired. She started to live like the stay-in salesgirls with a mestizo driver who cooked their own meals and their own clothes. Linda's mother-in-law scold her in public. She really let Linda felt that they were unhappy with her, she even dared to slap Linda in public once she got mistaken to some instructions. Peter did not do anything about it, he didn't defended Linda against his parents. But, Peter started going out with this Bisayan bar girl. He was not shy to hide of his affair, he would occasionally bring the girl to a very expensive restaurant in Matina.
There was once a time,when Peter brought Tua Poya's brother to a house in Mandug and proudly showed him a baby boy. That was an open secret. Until, everyone in the community knew about it. His prestige rose again. He regained his old self. His parents didn't know if they will be happy or not; happy because Peter was not a bad stock or sad because Chinese racial purity was not continued in their family.
The Bisayan girl gave Peter their second son, but it didn't stir the community anymore. One night, Peter brought his eldest son in the New Canton Barbershop but everybody pretended the boy didn't exist.
 Then,Peter died in a car accident in Buhangin Diversion Road.  At the funeral, Linda's mother-in-law still ignored her. She stood stoically throughout the ceremony, and when Peter was finally interred, she swooned.
A few weeks after Peter's burial, Linda's mother-in-law wanted her out of the Nanking store but Linda stayed taking over Peter's work. But her mother-in-law's hostility was implacable and blaming Linda for everything that happened. But Linda has her stand to stay in the store and she started to fight back against her in-law. Their family drama has become more like a soap opera on television.
Meanwhile, Linda brought back herself to life. She didn't wear any scarf anymore in streets. Her in-laws went to Manila bringing their two half-breed grandsons. Everything went back to normal again, people started to mind their own business until another shocking revelation was brought up - Linda was pregnant. No one was blamed for the incident but her driver Oliver. Some of the people turned unfriendly to him and because of unused attention, he left to visit his parents in Iligan City. There was one night when Linda went to Tua Poya's house and she told him that she was leaving for Iligan to fetch Oliver and then they will go to Cebu to visit her parents. It happened two years ago, and the Nanking store remained closed.


>>>>>>>
I really had a mixed emotion in the story. First, I felt like angered because I think there was really a racial discrimination among Bisaya people. It was not the point of the story of course, but to use another race to  show that she was to be blame for a racial purity not be continued, to call them bad girls or what. I mean, in that time, are the Chinese the only rich people in Davao City? I was also sad of what happened to Linda and Peter, why do they end up in an unhappy ending. They were once a lovely couple but their relationship didn't work out, I guessed they should have visited a doctor or waited patiently because none of them was barren at the end. I didn't get the point also of how a man having an affair stood so proud of what he has done, is it because your wife cannot give you a son? A true gentleman must also know what decency means. Peter was selfish. Marrying someone also includes acceptance for the future days to come, whether good or bad. Both of you, vowed to each other, so why made those kind of thing. Yes, let's say you fell out of love, but is it right in a marriage? As a man, you must have the initiative to preserve the relationship no matter what situation you are in. Extra-marital is so disgusting and frustrating, it goes beyond disrespecting your wife. And another thing what I really observed is that the society has always something to say. Your life is not their life but why do they have to talk about you.I guess people should learn minding their own business. The people around you would really influence the decisions you will make. Let's take the side of Peter, I guessed he had to be in that kind of affair because he became the talked of the town. Of course, his ego was struck and that's it. But I admired Linda the most, her life was a drama, she's like a main character in a soap opera. I admired how she regain herself;she knew her place, she knew where she stand and that made her a fighter. She's one of the best example of what a true woman is. But, I really had this confusion, there are some speculations in my head, like maybe, Linda's affair with his driver was there long before Peter died, maybe Peter's affair was a revenge to Linda's hidden affair. Well, I don't know, that was just a thought that is out of nowhere. But nonetheless, I really appreciate the story because it did not focus on one issue only, it touched the culture of Chinese, it also talked about social issues in the family and community and it showed also individual struggles. It is nice to read stories like this because the issues are relevant and you will learn something from it.